Paulina & Carlos

How did you meet?
Carlos: We met while on a retreat. It was for discerning where God was calling you in life. 
Paulina: I remember that it was at Tuesday morning prayer on the retreat that we met. We were doing an exercise where the person next to you was to hug you, and you were supposed to close your eyes and picture Jesus hugging you. I remember hearing God say that I would be able to know Him through this person. That person was Carlos.

How long have you been married?
Carlos: Our wedding was in 2009, so we’ve been married for 13 years. We dated for almost 4 years before we were married. When I met Paulina, I always told her that I wanted to get married when I was 33. (Paulina chuckled and added, “by the way, we were 23 at the time.”) We would go to relationship workshops together. We discovered new things about each other. Paulina was working at her first job and I was too, but I always wanted to do a masters program abroad. My uncle told me about a month-long opportunity in Brazil, so I quit my job to do this trip. I asked Paulina if she wanted to join me, but I didn’t expect her to say yes. 
Paulina: At the time, I was working at my dream internship, and for some reason, I quit to go with him. I still don’t know why I said yes at the time.
Carlos: She surprised me by saying yes, and I realized then that our relationship was serious. So, I knew I wanted to propose in Brazil. We were in Rio de Janeiro, and I got a helicopter to fly us around the Christ statue. When we were close to the Christ, I told her that I needed to talk to her about something.
Paulina: I told him whatever it is, not now. Jesus is right across from us! This was like my moment! Yet, he insisted and then, gave a whole speech that he had planned about how God made us for each other. Of course, I said yes. It would’ve been pretty hard to say no to that! We were engaged for a year and a half before we got married in Mexico. We had always dreamed of getting married by the sea, but we were told that, as Catholics, we were required to get married in a church. During the relationship workshops earlier in our relationship, we had created a vision statement for our marriage and our family. Our vision statement was that we would always be a Catholic family. This is our identity, and we will always keep going back to it. With this vision for our marriage and family, it was easy to choose that we would have our wedding in the Church, and then we had our reception by the sea! 

How has your love evolved over the years?
Paulina: Carlos likes to joke that I don’t love him the same now as I did when we got married, and I always say you’re absolutely right. So many layers have been added to our relationship. When you grow in love, you become more selfless. It is a painful process, but there is beauty in struggle and confrontation. After you get through challenging times, you love the person even more than before. We sponsor couples for marriage preparation. When we meet with engaged couples, we chuckle to each other, because they often think they have it all figured out. We laugh, because we remember feeling that way. 
Carlos: When we were in those workshops, we discussed what “love” really means. It is stuck in my head that “love is a decision you have to continue to make.” As our marriage gets more mature, I realize more that love really is a decision that I’m making every day.

What has been a challenge that you have encountered in marriage?
Paulina: From very early on in our relationship, Carlos had wanted to get his masters. So, we were going to do that before we had kids. Well, I had made him change that plan many times, but after we set to go to the U.S. for Carlos to get his masters a year later, we found out that we were pregnant with Amaya. People asked me if we weren’t going to go anymore with the baby on the way. I told them all that we were still going, because I had promised him that we would make that happen. It was really hard. We were newlyweds, pregnant, in a different country, and had no support system. I quit my job and didn’t have a work permit, so I had essentially given up my whole career. We had to grow up a lot during that time.
Carlos: People tell you that you don't just marry the person, but the family. When you’re dating you think that is fine, but then you get married, and you experience it for real. I love Paulina’s family, but it did make me realize how much of your family’s way of life that you bring with you to a marriage. When raising your own kids, you have to make many decisions together. You have to learn to work together and compromise. 
Paulina: Yes, you bring emotional baggage – even in ways you don’t realize yourself. But, you grow and you change together.

What is your advice to those discerning the vocation of marriage?
Carlos: You have to have God in the center of your family. As long as you have God at the center, things are going to be easier to solve and agree on. You have to be intentional growing in your faith - as a couple and with your kids.
Paulina: It may not make the struggles any easier, but in having God as your foundation, you have the grace and strength that only God can give. It is something sacramental that we have, our marriage is not just a contract. It is our vocation. It is definitely what we were made to do. Even when we have disagreements, the vision for our family is the same. We are a Catholic family. It is fun to grow with someone. You don’t have to explain yourself to them, because they already know you so well. They get to watch you grow.